apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
