I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
