one might say we're banned from that church
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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