is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
