I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just had sex bonerless
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
