He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
