I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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