That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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