She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
