He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
