How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
