i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
