i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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