He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
