My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
