I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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