im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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