I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
