fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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