Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
