Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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