there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
