Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
