If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
