The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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