Small penises have feelings too.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
