You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
