Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
