the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
