I'm eating all of the evidence.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
