theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
