Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
