He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
