So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
