If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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