how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
