From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
