So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
