i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
