I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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