Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
