i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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