Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
