This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
