no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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