absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
BRING THE BAGELS
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
