im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
