Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
