mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
