This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
