Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
